Speculative Ad: “A-No-DEEN Pain Reliever”




Written by: Eric Gilmartin

Original text: Copyright 2013.


Plays against a gender stereotype about men, to promote a fictitious product for pain relief.


[ESTABLISHING SHOT: Modern kitchen, middle-class home. Enter a TEEN-AGED BOY – wearing a pained expression.]

[BOY: Hey, Mom? My head’s throbbing. You there?]

[MEDIUM ANGLE: As his FATHER – a professional of some sort – strolls into the room. His son looks in the cabinets, and on the counter, for aspirin.]

[FATHER: Is it your allergies again? I’m sorry, pal.]

[SON: Yeah. I’ve got band practice, then I… (moans) have to get on a research paper.]

[FATHER: Well, fear not. (confident) I know just what to do for you.]

[CLOSE ANGLE: He reaches into his shirt, or jacket, pocket to produce a small bottle of the Product.]

[FATHER: Sinus headaches run in the family… Here you go, pal. This always does the trick for me.]

[SON: Thanks… (quizzical) Dad? How do you –]

[FATHER: (sly) Kid, moms aren’t the only ones who need to know about good health. That would be… a cliché… a cultural artifact, from a previous era… you know, totally lame?]

[SON: “Cultural artifact”?  (rueful smile)  Good one, Dad.]

[FATHER: I did my homework… now, you can do yours.  “Take two A-No-Deen, they fight pain, for up to twelve hours” – that’s good, fatherly advice, as well.]

[SON: Coming to hear us play?]

[FATHER: (rubs his temples) Ouch, now I’m getting a headache…!

[The Boy smiles, filling a glass with water from the tap, as his Father opens the bottle. CAPTION over this reads: “YOUR DAD KNOWS – ABOUT A-NO-DEEN.”]


Note: Product’s name is a play on “anodyne”.


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